Thursday, November 10, 2011

Musings of an Insomniac (part 1)

Greetings internet travellers! My name's Kier, and let me start out by thanking you for taking the time to sit down and read my blog. There's a lot of other stuff out there vying for your attention: videos of cats chasing laser pointers, the music video of "Poker Face," and every porn created in the history of ever. That's a lot of breasts you're missing out on my friends. The entire internet is at your disposal, and you've landed here and are offering up some of your time to read this drivel that I pass for "writing." Thank you.

The title of this blog is "Makeshift Coma," and I think that might require some explaining. I'm a self-diagnosed insomniac, and I do my best writing between the hours of 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. Therefore, this blog is my alternative to sleep, or my makeshift coma. When you're all safe and snug in your beds, I'll be pounding away on my keyboard, preparing the next post for you day-walkers to read.

So that you have an idea what I look like, here's a picture of my friend Matt and I riding the monorail at Hershey Park. Why? Because it was the best picture of myself that I had readily available. And before you ask, I know that I look like I'm fifteen or sixteen years old. I'm really twenty.

 I'm Kier Harris, and apparently I approve some sort of message... Monorails?

I play drums in a local rock band by the name of Sinistry. We frequently have trouble getting gigs because everyone thinks we're a group of Satan worshipers or a death metal band. We are constantly getting responses from venue owners like "Sinistry? Like sinister ministry? I don't know man. That sounds a little too hardcore for us." In reality, our name is an intentional misspelling of the word "synastry," which is the compatibility of two people based on their astrological charts. We changed the spelling cause, hey, we're a rock band, and the word "sin" makes everything cooler-- right? To make matters worse, our font doesn't really help that much.

Remember: we're not a death metal band.

Rather than summoning demons, our songs most often talk about love, bad relationships, and people who died, died. (Bonus points if you got the Jim Carol reference, you music nerd, you.) We write a lot of our own music, but a lot of people prefer to hear songs that they know, so covers are a necessity. We mainly play covers of bands like Black Sabbath, the White Stripes, and the Black Keys. To the untrained observer, it would appear that we only cover songs by bands with colors in their names, but I would rather gouge out my eyes with the dullest spoon I can find than cover a song by Deep Purple.

At this point, you may be asking yourself: "If he's in a band, is there any way I can check out his music?" Yes, there is. And because I love you guys so much, I did the hard part for you and embedded it right here.

Now that you know a little bit about me, just what can you expect from the future of this blog? Well, I plan on making two kinds of posts. The first will be tales of my conquests and pillaging as the viking warrior Denbar Althrak humorous tales of my experiences in this world. I have a plethora of stories about my band, my writing experiences, and other facets of my life. And newer, stranger things are happening every day. The second will be humorous list based articles, much like the ones that run on, where I am a contributor. For any number of reasons, one of my pitches on Cracked could be rejected by the editors. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with the quality of the article, just that it isn't a good fit for Cracked. In those situations, I'll post those here for you to enjoy.

And last but not least, if you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me here:

Tomorrow, a new post and the rib-busting humor begins!

© 2011 Kier Harris

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